Listening Now Blog

I’m writing to you from sunny San Francisco, California – across the Bay Bridge in Oakland, near the funky suburbs of Berkeley and Elmwood where I have spent the last 10 days, hosted by the wonderful Jennifer Selby Long.

Last week I facilitated a workshop on Meaning Making for professional coaches, trainers and facilitators who use psychological type (such as the MBTI) in Palo Alto. One of the interesting themes that came up during the workshop was how we listen. The words we hear and what we make them mean. Interpretation and misinterpretation. The precariousness of communication. How a mixup in what I say and what you hear is potentially only a moment away. How a simple word like “progress” can mean something different to different people (to one person it means deadlines, milestones, ticking things off a list; to someone else it has broader meaning, and is more a general impression of moving forward).

During this workshop, we did an exercise using the beautiful and useful Sometimes Magic cards from Innovative Resources. These cards describe ways in which we learn and are prefaced by the words “sometimes magic happens”. Sometimes magic happens when I can take small steps… Sometimes magic happens when I let others help me learn… Sometimes magic happens when I am open to new experiences. In sharing the cards and what they meant to the person holding them, it was fascinating to observe differences in interpretation. For some, the words “sometimes magic” were the first thing that needed exploring. “Magic” denotes an extraordinary occurrence, something that doesn’t happen everyday – right? Or is this “magic” something that is part of my everyday life, but I am only now becoming aware of it? For others in the group, the words “sometimes magic” barely registered, and their attention was focused more on what “taking small steps” might mean or how to interpret “being open to new experiences”.

It was also fascinating to observe the fervour with which some people sought to be understood and how important it was to explore and express with others this internal meaning making. For these people, listening was happening on multiple levels – listening to self + needing others to listen and show that they are listening. This is true for me – it is significant to have someone listen to me and indicate they have heard me – my internal voice is not enough for full meaning to be made. For others in the workshop, they seemed to not particularly mind whether their own interpretation was understood or appreciated by others, or not. Their internal experience was enough – they were listening to themselves and whether others heard them or not was not strictly necessary. Such independence is awe-inspiring to me.

How important is it to you that others listen to you and indicate you’ve been heard? Or is listening to your internal voice enough for you? And what impact does this have on key relationships? Drop me a line and let me know. I’m interested. And I’m listening.