Listening Now Blog

Photo taken by me at Huka Falls, New Zealand

I was talking with my friend Jennifer recently about getting through the tough times in life.  You know the tough times, right?  When things appear to not be going your way, when there seems to be obstacles galore and no relief in sight. 

These are the days when you oscillate between planning and fantasizing about giving it all up and starting over somewhere new.  Hopefully as a brand new person, with a wiped-clean hard drive.

Both Jen and I had experienced these tough times recently, and to some extent, still were.  We’d known the dark nights of the soul, the times when the phone wasn’t ringing and the emails weren’t pinging.  Times when we didn’t feel needed or wanted, when our sense of self had been bruised and damaged, and our optimistic attitudes tested.  Not a beer or skittle to be seen.

I likened the resistance that we feel during those times as being like hanging onto a branch of a tree overhanging a steadily flowing river.  We grasp ahold of that branch and hang on for dear life, water rushing all around us, terrified of what might happen if we let go.  We are resisting the flow of the river.  We are putting all our energy into hanging on, determined to stay where we are, paralysed by fear of letting go.

When we do this, we are resisting the flow of life.  Our fear of letting go keeps us stuck, our energy being emptied by the action of hanging onto that branch, onto the past or our vision of what the future should be (rather than reality as it actually is). 

This kind of exertion is like a rocking horse – there’s lots of movement, but no forward motion, no gain, no progress.  When we do this, we’re either unconscious of it – we’re in reflex mode, not in a creative, conscious state – or if we do have some insight into our behaviour, it usually makes some kind of sense to us.  The fear of what would happen if we let go feels very real and the potential negative consequences of allowing ourselves to be swept along by the restless river very painful. 

But we pay a price for hanging on.  All our life’s energy goes into clinging to that bough; we’ve nothing (or nothing good) left for living a creative and fulfilling life; we are living from a place of fear.  We’re closed off from “above the line” emotional states that fulfil and empower us.  And we never get to see and experience what’s further down the river; we’re stuck.

So what’s the answer?  You know what it is.  It’s so simple and yet so challenging.  Let go.  That’s the answer.  Surrender to what is.  This is not the same as giving up.  Giving up is something that children do, often in a fit of pique, balls and bats strewn around, toys being hurled from playpens, faces full of frustration and irritation. 

Surrender is a conscious action, full of awareness and yes, some faith.  There’s awareness of what you are doing (letting go) and faith that wherever the river takes you is where you’re going to go.   Giving up is another version of being stuck and staying fixed; surrender has growth and new life to it.

Listen to that inner voice, guiding and encouraging you.  What do you need to let go of?