Listening Now Blog

My post on the impact of interrupting brought more comments than we’ve had here before.  Thank you to those who took the time to contact me with your thoughts on interrupting.  What most people commented on was that there seems to be a third form of interrupting.  We know about “correcting” interrupting and “cheer leading” interrupting.  The third form of interrupting is “clarifying”.  Here’s what we know about it:

Clarifying interrupting happens when the listener is having trouble following the speaker. It takes the form of questions, such as ”Do you mean to say…..?”, “Could you please explain...?”, “What do you mean by…?”.  It seems to work best when the listener takes responsibility for their own comprehension.  “… I’m having trouble getting my head around this. Do you mean…..?”  If the listener tries to shift the responsibility onto the speaker —  ”I don’t know what you’re talking about” or “You’re not making any sense“-  some speakers may take offence (thanks Leon for your input here).

Here’s what Jenny said about why she interrupts for clarity: “I find that I interrupt most often to ask questions.   I only do this when the circumstance is right – I must be comfortable and care/am interested in the conversation.  I feel driven to interrupt because the information being given doesn’t make sense to me without some other piece of information or context.  Often the information I want may not seem that important to the other person”.

Excuse me Doctor! I found myself interrupting for clarity just last week.  I was at the doctors surgery for a minor yet important procedure.  The doctor, very nice guy, started his spiel by talking through why I was there – a summary of what had preceded my visit, results from my GP and how I’d come to be referred to him.  I knew all this stuff, of course (I wasn’t there because of amnesia) but reckoned that he was covering it off in the interests of thoroughness and complete clarity (and also possibly because we hadn’t met before and were just about to become intimately aquainted).  So I tried to sit still and be quiet while he metaphorically drew me a map and pointed out interesting landmarks on it.  This was a successful approach until he got to the bit about “because you have these symptoms, the usual remedy is for XYZ procedure“.  Ok enough! 

All my self-talk about letting him finish and just being patient went out the window and I jumped in with “well, isn’t that why I’m here – to have the XYZ?”   His hands go up in a calming piece of body language – “yes yes, you are here for the XYZ”.   My need for immediate and specific clarity overrode my need for general information and rapport building.

As we talked about for correcting and cheerleading interrupting, what’s fascinating about interrupting for clarity is to pay attention to the impact it has on the people dynamics.  Interrupting is not necessarily good or bad, right?  But it changes the interaction.  Pay attention to what kind of interrupting you  find yourself doing most frequently – correcting?  cheerleading?  clarifying?  And drop me a line and let me know about it.  I’m interested!  (and yes, I am listening).