How long do you listen?
Posted by Jill • Wednesday, 14-July-2010
If you were to stop for a moment, right now, and bring to mind the last conversation you had with someone. Picture it – you’re wearing a natty suit and polished shoes, they’re drinking a double shot with extra foam, there’s some kind of weather happening. Recall the conversation in as much detail as you can.
Now ask yourself: how long did I listen without interruption to the other person? 10 seconds, half a minute, more, less?
This question was posed to a group of doctors in a study that Nancy Kline references in her outstanding book Time to Think. The doctor’s response to this question: three minutes. The doctors estimated that they listened without interruption for, on average, three minutes per patient. Straightforward so far.
What they did next was observe these same doctors in consultation in their offices with their patients. And take a guess at how long they actually spent listening without interruption to their patients? Really – take a guess, I’ll wait.
Twenty seconds.
That’s how long the doctors were observed to listen without interruption. Ok, so we’ve got 20 seconds (actual time) vs. 180 seconds (estimated time)… interesting. Now, second year statistics from my undergraduate degree is a bit fuzzy, but I’d guess that’s what you’d call a significant difference.
And not to finish the study there, the researchers went on to have the patients talk without interruption until they’d said all they had to say. And guess how long they talked for? This is getting easy, now, right? You guessed it – 3 minutes.
We know. Ms Kline summaries that “we could extrapolate from this that doctors intuitively know how long they should listen if they want to get the full picture from the patient, but that something keeps them from listening that long. What makes a doctor interrupt or ask questions too soon or guide and lead the patient too early is not different from what makes any of us do the same with our friends, clients or family. We think that to help is only to talk, to ask, to suggest”. Thank you, Nancy – I couldn’t have said that better myself.
For the next 7 days, play around with this. Listen for longer. Start easy – listen for twice as long as you believe you should. If you really want to stretch your listening muscles and take the results of the doctor’s study to heart, listen for 9 times longer than you believe you should. Just try it. See it as a fun experience, one in which you don’t know what the results will be. Be prepared to be surprised by what you discover. And be in touch and let me know what you find out. I’m interested and I’m listening.
If you liked this, you might also like:
Excuse Me! The Impact of Interrupting and Excuse Me Again! More Thoughts on Interrupting
Recovering the Lost Art of Conversation
