Listening Now Blog

I was walking our dog Indigo past a set of shops the other day, and a window cleaner was talking on his mobile phone as he worked.  He was practically yelling into the phone and I could hear him holler “Havin’ a good time in Coffs Harbour, mate?”, which was repeated twice before he seemed to get a response, each time with an increase in volume:  “HAVIN’ A GOOD TIME IN COFFS, MATE?”  “HAVIN’ A GOOD TIME IN COFFS?”  His friend in Coffs Harbour could probably have heard him without the benefit of the mobile phone, he was yelling so loudly.

This got me thinking about how technology interferes with or supports our ability to truly listen to one another.

You don’t say? The phone has at least one major disadvantage (the jury is still out on whether mobile phones cause brain tumours) – there’s no visual component to the communication.  Some say that this should sharpen our auditory acuity and have us listening even better.  For many of us, what happens instead is that the lack of visual contact with our conversation partner means we get distracted by the visuals around us. 

Distraction. How many times have you lost the thread of conversation because something in your visual field caught your eye and attention?  Watching television and trying to talk on the phone is probably one of the most ambitious communication undertakings (and utterly delusional if you believe you can give either your best attention (assuming the television requires any of your attention, let alone your best)).  Reading and talking on the phone are also incompatible synchronised activities.  I’ve been caught out on a few occasions trying to sneak in a quick email whilst also being on a call with someone.  Not only does it not work (the email and the phone call suffered) but the person on the end of the phone knows.  Even if they can’t see you, they can tell they don’t have your full attention.

R U in yr rm? One of the most memorable Oprah shows was Oprah’s What Can You Live Without challenge, which aired in Australia mid 2009.  Oprah showcased two families whose technology was removed from their entire households for one week.  All televisions, computers, cell phones, video games – all gone – poof! – in the Oprah van.  Before the challenge, one Chicago family of four were on film, showing us a typical evening prior to the Challenge.  The teenage daughter would be in her room, texting her friends and talking online on her laptop.  Mom would be in the dining room, texting her friends and emailing on her laptop.  Tween son would be in his bedroom, playing video games.  Dad would be in the living room, watching TV.  When Dad brought home the take out, they would descend on the takeout bags, fill their plates and disappear with their food back to their separate rooms, so no talking over the dinner table.  They rarely communicated with one another – just with people outside the house through their electronic gadgets.  When they did communicate with one another it was often via text.  Rather than walk down the hallway and talk to one another, they’d text!

Here but not here.I practically had to have my eyebrows professionally lowered from the top of my forehead after watching that show.  It seemed inconceiveable that a family could spend every evening in the same house, and yet not interact with one another.  No one listened to anyone.  And no one listened to themselves.  They were all too busy messing around with their electronic gizmos.  Sad huh?

F2F (or is that Face to Face?) I appreciated the sentiments in this articleabout communication at work by Leon Noone – he presents a solid case for dispensing with emails and texts in favour of (gasp) speaking face to face to colleagues.  Leon proposes:  “When you next think “I’ll just send an email,” dismiss the thought. It might get the issue off your desk momentarily but what else will it achieve? “

Ring ring. This thought stuck in my brain like a thorn.  I had been emailing a colleague for weeks without reply.  Being the follow-up queen, I thought I’d send one more email to see if it generated a response.  Crazy, huh?  Especially since I know how true that quote is about doing the same thing over and over yet expecting a different result.  What did I do instead?  I picked up the phone. I spoke to the man, and I listened to him.  Oh, and yes, we’re meeting next week to discuss how he can use I’m Listening Now as an integrated part of his orgsanisation’s career coaching program.  3 minutes on the phone was all it took – that one call dispensed with weeks of email-tagging.

You can do it! Guess what I’m going to suggest for this week’s challenge? You guessed it.  Don’t text or email if you can talk to them on the phone.  Don’t phone if you can talk to them face to face.   Before the collective groans and chagrined cries of “yeah, right” ring out, just try it.  One week.  7 measly days.  That’s all I ask – just give it a go.  If you don’t want to say it face to face, ask yourself why you want to email or text it.  Tune in before attaching your fingers to the keyboard: what are you seeking to achieve?   Be in touch and let me know how you get on.  I’m interested. and I’m listening.